Finding Rest

Today is an incredibly beautiful sunny Vancouver day, and I'm so grateful. Like many other Canadians, we have not had a fantastic start to the summer, but this weekend has a lot of promise. To celebrate the good weather, I headed out to a local park with books and journal in hand.

As I sat down to take a read through my journal and reflect back on these last few months I began to notice this recurrent theme that takes place in my life. My inability to "rest" is something that I have continually struggled with in my adult life. Don't get my wrong, I'm not one of those people who is buzzing 24 hours a day, fidgeting, nervous energy emitting from all pours, but I am someone who struggles to find true rest in both mind and spirit. If I'm not being physically active, or working myself extremely hard, than I'm boggled down with thoughts of what I could be doing or what I should be doing with my time. (Those of you like me know what I'm talking about, and are shaking your head in agreement at this moment).

This issue is something that I decided to address when coming home from Liberia. I knew it wouldn't be easy, because like I mentioned, it's not something natural for me. But I knew that I needed to focus on it, not only because every person that has been overseas kept telling me to make sure I rested, but the concept of finding rest was something that resonated deep within me. My first few weeks, I was so physically exhausted that I didn't even fight the battle. It was after that initial jet lag that I found those old familiar feelings and thoughts come back to mind. Thoughts like, "What are you going to do today?", "You shouldn't be just sitting, you should get up and be doing something!", or "Did you just really not accomplish anything all day??"

So I struggled with it, I battled it, I kept telling myself to be okay with just being. It made me irritable at first, and I felt very purposeless. I felt like if I hadn't contributed to something that day than my day was a waste and in many ways this concept of needing to contribute was tied to my self worth. Today, two and a half months later, I'm still struggling. It's not easy, I haven't perfected it, but I'm committed to continuing to find ways to just "be". And it doesn't even stop at learning to rest, but also at taking joy in doing the things that we often wish we could do as humans, but never allow ourselves the time or pleasure to do. (It could be as simple as reading the book in the park on a sunny Vancouver afternoon.)

Recently I read Psalm 116:7, which says,
Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.

As we continue to be people who live in the now not worrying about what to accomplish next, I think this verse has a lot to teach us. If you struggle with this issue of just living in the moment, of just being, maybe this verse will be of some comfort or even encouragement to you today.