Failing Miserable at Stillness

After the last entry, a slightly humourous look at my life in Liberia, and what is just not normal about it, I've decided to go in a slightly different, more contemplative direction for this entry. My greatest struggle lately has been finding meaning in my work. I am plenty busy doing activities, but what has it all meant? I run around getting things done, working 6 days a week, and going in early to work and coming back a bit later. Given the circumstances, 19 visitors coming in the next week, and this marking our 60th visitors of the year, the situation demands busyness. But if I say that this time is just an exception, then I'm being a fool, because the reality is that I struggle constantly with finding a balance between work and between life outside of work. I struggle with finding the balance between busyness and stillness.

You might be shaking your head and asking yourself what I'm talking about, because from the outside it would seem that my job would be filled with meaning. The danger in my job is simply that...to assume that because I am in a job that gives to others that it must be meaningful, and therefore I have meaning. I love being busy and I love accomplishing things...Why? Because to be honest that is most times where I find my identity. I like being the person that people turn to to get things done, but lately it's struck me that I've lost my focus in the attempt to get the tasks done that need doing.

I've been reading a book, "Running on Empty: Contemplative Spirituality for Overachievers", by Fil Anderson. He speaks about this very issue of being busy for God, but not really spending the time to know God. This is where I am guilty. I am being challenged as I read his book to value solitude and prayer. I know that if I can reconnect to those values, I will reconnect with the meaning of why I do what I do.